So many times I am told by families that their relatives are having problems - can't care for themselves, not eating well, not keeping the house up or multiple EMS calls and when they set up caregivers for the parents they refuse to let them help or cancel the service. Even if they originally agree to the service!
The question is... what do you do when there is this much resistance?
There is no magic bullet. Everyone is different with their own dreams, fears and ways to deal with problems. On top of that, add in some memory challenges!
If you want to start the conversation with your relative...try these questions to get some insight:
1. When your parents (grandma and grandpa) got older, how did you handle them?
2. What lately has been a little more difficult for you to do?
3. What are you most afraid of?
4. What is your greatest joy?
5. If you could change anything what would it be?
6. In the past, when you experienced (problem) what worked and what did you try that didn't help?
Sometimes not talking about how to fix it right away and find out a little more about them can help.
If you feel medically things have changed, encourage them to see their physician for a complete physical if they haven't had one in awhile. Hopefully, they will have a long term relationship with their primary care physician. If there has been a decline, the physician might order Home Health. If you feel there are memory declines, getting an evaluation can help.
There is help too....Geriatric Care Managers. These are professionals that can come in, talk with everyone involved, do an assessment and come up with a plan and then if you want monitor the progress of that plan. Sometimes an outside person can see things that those very close can not.
I am hoping some of my Geriatric Care Manager friends will comment on this blog and share some of their expertise on this challenging scenario.
Had someone say they were having trouble posting comments to my blog so thought I would do a test. Please let me know if you are having any problems posting comments!
ReplyDeleteMary Abrams 9:53pm Jan 3 wrote:
ReplyDeleteGreat blog Donna. Thanks for starting it. I have been taking care of my 80 yr old mother, who is in perfect physical health but has advancing Alzheimer's for almost 3 years. I am able to do this with the help of my husband, Lowell, and the Interfaith Caregivers. They host church gatherings all over Houston and surrounding cities for caregivers of dementia and Alzheimer's patients. They run from 10am to 130pm. I could never have lasted this long if it was not for the wonderful people that run these vents. My mother goes to 13 gatherings a month and it gives me a breather. It is very mentally and physically draining to care for someone with Alzheimer's. I have finally accepted the fact that she needs more care than I can give her and I will be looking for a care facility for her in the very near future. I look forward to reading this blog and hopefully contributing as often as I can. Thank you again Donna for starting this blog.
Hello, Donna … I got a bit lost in the “blog requesting profile arena”, here is my “post” for you!
ReplyDeleteGolden Rule ... put yourself in their place. If the situation is appropriate, ask yourself how you would like to be addressed if you needed care. Seniors will fight fiercely for their independence, so understanding and acknowledging that need is your first job.
Kindest regards,
Marilyn
Marilyn Denk Drane, President
Certified Care Manager
CareTemps (Personal Care for Adults)
9800 NW Fwy., Suite 300, Houston, TX 77092
Phone: (713) 263-9440
www.caretemps.com